A Little Encouragement

The last few weeks have been nuts.  
I kissed Tom goodbye, moved out of our lovely little home in the Tender-Nob, and headed over the hill to move in to a gorgeous apartment in North Beach with two incredibly beautiful and hilarious women. 
It feels good to be in a new place that doesn't remind me of sickness, nausea, heartache, medicine, and, well, cancer. 
I've been struggling with my recent breakup and move, and while these kinds of things are never easy, I've been doing what I can to move on. It has been trying at times, as I have a million billion different thoughts every day where I am questioning the break up, myself, my life...everything under that small (just kidding) umbrella. Today, I was tidying up my room when I came across a cut out from a magazine that someone had slipped in to my medical folder. The quote is by Martha Beck, PHD and I realized these are THE words I have been needing to read/hear while going through this post-cancer, post-love phase of my life : 

"When you've been through an unexpected change, the old you dies and a new one is born. And therefore you must allow yourself to be a baby. Get emotional and moral support any way you can. Give yourself a limited time each day (at least an hour) to do nothing but focus on this adjustment. And don't make big decisions until you've got your legs under you. You don't even know who the new you will grow up to be, so postpone large commitments, giving yourself time and love. Everything else will take care of itself"

After I read this, I felt a serious weight had been lifted off my shoulders. This last month, I have been running around like a chicken with its head cut off because I was too afraid to stop and face myself, because I don't really know exactly who I am anymore, which is quite terrifying. Often, I have dark moments and the only way to make those go away is to pop a Xanax or go out with the girls for a night out on the town. I have now learned that these "darkness cures" are not emotionally or physically healthy, nor are they good for the wallet if you know what I mean. I was on a path to serious self destruction and bulldozing everyone over who stood in my way. 
I know for a fact that I will become familiar with Amanda again but I think what Martha Beck is saying about slowing down and really taking the time to treat yourself with gentleness and patience, is incredible. I have been through a (few) crazy trauma(s) that have changed me in to a new person, who I am now excited to shape, and give life to. Stay tuned for Amanda 2.0

Papa and Baby Amanda 

Papa and Baby Amanda